A Little About Me…

Straight in to it I guess.

1. What would you change about yourself if you could? Easy one, my anxiety and depression. Would love to get my old confidence back, but I am working on all of that.

2. What is your favorite thing about your career? I get to play a small part in people’s big, special days. 95% of my work is within the wedding industry.

3. What is your favorite book to read? I have just started reading again, but I have always felt the most recent book I have read is my favourite. I have just finished Tom DeLonge’s “Sekret Machines: Chasing Shadows”. If you have any interest in Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon, then this is certainly a MUST read.

4. What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? On Sunday I went to see “War for the Planet of the Apes”. I must admit I absolutely LOVE the reboots of these films, but one thought crossed my mind mid film, “who are we meant to be cheering for?”. You are rooting for Caesar all the way through the film, but I guess that means we are rooting for our own extinction? Haha, fantastic film(s) and highly recommended.

5. What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? Football. Always has been, always will be. It’s so weird to connect to a sport so emotionally, but that’s what football does for me. I recently “retired” from playing due to my mental health, but it is now a target to get myself back, fit and playing once again.

6. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? For me, I would just want to be a Spider-Man and Deadpool hybrid. Imagine a badass Spidey with an accelerated healing factor. Insane.

7. What’s your favorite movie? Up until recently, “Anchorman” was my favourite movie. With the release of “Deadpool” and “Spider-Man: Homecoming” in recent years, Ron has unfortunately lost his title.

8. What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee? Well, I am not a coffee fan, so mine would be a hot chocolate. The celebrity would be Tom DeLonge. I would love to talk about Blink-182 through the years and all about his new books on Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon.

9. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? I actually think I’d like to follow in my in-laws footsteps and become a photographer. One of my new goals is to take a photography course, and learn all about the art and different styles.

10. What was your first job? My first job was in McDonald’s.

11. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? It’s got to be Blink-182, with Mark, Tom and Travis.

12. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? Only English. I did French and Sign at high school, and remember very little. I would love to learn Sign again, and I am considering learning Spanish also.

So that is a little bit about me. I hope you enjoyed.


The Downward Spiral… 

There’s nothing that can prepare you for it. It can be brought on by the simplest thing, sometimes it can be nothing at all. One minute you are doing your own thing and fine, the next, you are feeling down and irritable. 

That’s where I am just now. Extremely irritable and my face feeling numb. I’m sat looking like a child who has just been told off, major huffy face here.

The worst part is, how do you explain being down over something that’s really nothing, or when you don’t even know why? 

Once you are here, you can see how others can spiral out of control with no one to talk to. We tend to push people away when feeling like this. The first couple of times I experienced it, it went on for days at a time. I thought I was “mental”, turns out I was, it’s called depression. 

Thankfully, I now have coping mechanisms and don’t just push the few remaining close people in my life away (as bad as before anyway). I have a wee sulk, realise I am in “one of my moments” and try a number of distractions – reading, writing, drawing, getting immersed in a good TV series binge or stick on a playlist of my favourite songs.

That’s just what I did mid way through this post, writing about it wasn’t helping, so I just binged on Grimm, and followed that up with some Still Game

I am now going to sleep with a smile on my face. I pulled out of the “spiral” when I found what distraction would help, giving me a short down period.

Find your distraction, it will differ for everyone, and I have found it can differ for me at times too, so good to try new things if it’s not working. I guess that’s part of the process to overcoming depression, finding a way to push it aside when it crops up. I would also make sure you are getting professional help on top. Bottling it up is NOT the answer, believe me, I tried it for long enough. 

Take care ☺

Self Reflection…

I remember not so long ago, sitting in work and counting down the minutes until finishing time. I worked in the retail sector as a sales person, something I was amazing at when I started out but had grown tired of it.

My days were long which meant little family time (I had a young son) and something I had never really given any real thought to, zero me time.

I had never really considered this until now, but over the course of the following years, this had an impact on my mental health.

Last week I read a blog by Vixxy Rose, “The Tiny Victories” (http://wp.me/p8FeQx-a0) which got me reflecting on a couple of things, and I discovered some positive changes.

As part of my new job, I now get to visit some of the most beautiful venues across the central belt of Scotland. I get to play a part, even a small one, in people’s special days. My hours are now less and more suited to me (which is a major perk to being Self Employed).

I now get to spend the beginning of the week with my wee people (my son is now 6 and I now have two girls at 1 & 2 also). I get to watch them grow, enjoy days out and do all the Daddy stuff I was missing out on before.

Not only that, but I have time to now work on me, which I am using to not only get over my MH, but to grow as a person.

There is still a lot to work on, but for now, I am going to take the positives and celebrate what I can now see as a HUGE victory. 

Being Aware…

So, anxiety and depression. That’s never going to effect me. Right? Oh, how I remember (barely) thinking about that.

We never think it is going to make it’s way to us, but the sad truth is, most of us will experience it, whether in short or long spells. One major issue is though, that some of us do not know we are living with it.

I personally found out after experiencing the below, physical, symptoms:

– Irregular heartbeat

– Muscle aches/tension (my chest)

– Pins & Needles (my left arm)

– Dizziness

– Trembling/shaking

– Shortness of breath

Reading that list, you may think heart attack, which is exactly what I did. I was soon getting (over a course of weeks) tests on my heart, and had even been sent to see a stroke specialist. However, after everything came back fine with regards to those, I was told I had extreme anxiety, and had been showing slight signs of depression. I let it all build up, and it hit me like a wrecking ball.

The NHS sites will provide you with a list of other symptoms, and some more information. Please check these out if you feel a change in yourself.

If you take anything from this post, please let it be not to bottle it up and feel you need to deal with these issues alone. There is help available.

Mental Health is an illness. There should be no stigma around it. Speak out, and get help.